I’m Still Here

Sorry for the lack of posts on this blog. Life has just swept me up and planted me far away from daily blogging. I have been working really hard on plans for this blog and thanks so much for everyone’s kind back-channel messages and notes and support. Many of you are worried that I have been silenced. Quite the contrary. I am just fine.

I have come to a realization. I have no desire to write a memoir at this time. There are plenty of others (Quivering Daughters, No Longer Quivering) who are much more qualified and CALLED to do a book on this subject. My heart has moved on.

This past spring, I’ve been learning about who I am (who God made me!) and what I most desire to do.

I desire to be creative. That’s why things have changed on this blog–appearance, eZine, tag line, posts. I want to explore this glorious creation we live in. To do what my heart has always been drawn to, but I have been afraid to try.

I’ve been reading a series of books my Mom gave me years ago and that I FINALLY pulled off the shelves a few months ago. Graham Cooke is an evangelist, serving both in the United States and in England. Wow. For the first time in my adult life, someone gave me Scripture exactly about creativity, gave me hope, and opened my eyes. I am created to be creative! For too long I have held back, admiring others who could do it, wishing I could do it, wanting to paint something bright yellow, wanting to buy a piano to play again, wanting to write novels, wanting to try a new business or two. I felt too safe.

I felt that if I really was to do these things, I would have to stay in bounds and on familiar ground.

Not so. Creativity is not about being a stick in the mud. It’s about starting where you are. It’s about trying something, anything new.

And so, I paint dark wood the brightest yellow I’ve ever seen. It makes me laugh out loud. I buy a piano off of Craigslist and dither over what color of turquoise I’m going to paint it. I buy giant white frames from Ikea and then go search Etsy for some art to put in them. I collect pictures of pink rugs. I collect turquoise paint colors until the poor paint guy at Lowe’s throws up his hands in protest. I buy piles of shelter, decorating, and design magazines with gift cards I find in drawers that I sweep clean. I buy some outrageously awesome dress that I wear just because and hang it in a place of honor in my closet to remind me that I am creative.

There are folks in this world that seek to shut down the creative. I don’t know why. I think they’ve been hurt, wounded, or broken, and they can’t figure out how to put themselves back together. They can’t let go. To see someone like me being creative, smiling, laughing, and singing through life just uncorks them.

I’m sorry. But I can’t worry about that anymore. It’s not my job to make everyone else happy. Or to make sure everyone else is comfortable. Sometimes, my creativity will make you feel like you’re going to lose your mind. But that has nothing to do with me. Go help yourself. Go be creative! I’ll be here writing about how I did it, and how others are doing it. You’re welcome to follow along if you like.

And thus, this blog is reborn. I’ve turned off comments for a while, but I’m turning them back on soon. It’s about letting go. It’s about moving forward. To any other recovering creatives out there, this one’s for you.

Start where you are.