Digging in my bookshelves over the weekend in preparation for company, I found several books that I haven’t read in a while. The first is Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No To Take Control of Your life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
Wow. Every time I read this book, I realize once again that I have terrible boundaries in my life. Some are really good, some have been left fallow and broken down. Cal Thomas writes, “Boundaries define everything from football fields to nation-states, yet our culture has pretended it could violate boundaries in human relationship without serious consequences. Cloud and Townsend examine the damage caused by this flawed view and point the way back.”
Cloud and Townsend talk about boundaries in relationships, boundaries within the self, and boundaries in a community. They also include terrific ways to create healthy boundaries, how to see when you’re being pressured by guilt messages, and how to find out if you’ve allowed an excess in your own life (eating, spending, gossip) because of a lack of boundaries.
This current reading helped me to see how being exposed to legalistic teaching led to a collapse of boundaries both in myself and in people I know and love.
Rereading this book is a good example of why I have so many books. I paw through my shelves, looking for something else entirely and find a book that I would never go looking for on my own volition, and start reading and I learned some things that I needed for this week. Incredible!
1. Boundaries are a good thing. Even if you have to say no to legitimate needs from others, especially if you’re saying no to something that you CAN’T solve no matter how hard you try.
2. Boundaries don’t mean you’re a bad, selfish, myopic person. It means you’re human and are not God. You are frail and weak sometimes. That’s the truth of it.
3. Boundaries exist for protection. Often God puts up the boundaries in our lives: “Don’t meddle with that,” “Keep your mouth quiet now,” “Don’t run to their rescue today.” However, sometimes we have to follow our own boundaries and remember how we felt after we ran to someone’s rescue; they still kept asking for more. Or when we say something, but they don’t seem to listen. Or we meddle and the entire situation gets worse.
I am really glad I picked this book up when I did. It helped me to be wise this week and helped me to not step into several situations that didn’t need my assistance in the least.
Grade: A+
{ 2 comments }
I love that book too! All I have to do is think of the title and whoosh, I’m back on track again.
So glad you’re having such a great time with your writer friends!! 
I actually hadn’t looked at in a while. Glad I looked at it this week! It has really been helpful. They are gone now. Just a short visit, but really fun. 11 and 12 yr olds are hysterical!
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