Memoir: A World of Wonder

The best thing about coming out of fundamentalism is being able to really enjoy the beauty of life around you. Rather than looking with fear at things, I am able to consider everything and accept or reject it with a “sane” mind. I reject the idea that I have to save myself, for instance. I reject the idea that people can’t get along together even if they disagree. I reject the idea that one must be in a church to meet God. That is the best one of all. I accept that I will meet God just about anywhere.

Walking through Nordstrom after hearing terrible news from my favorite Mac counter gal of hurt and humiliation she’s enduring in her private life, thinking about how I just encouraged my favorite Clarins guy to go to Hawaii with his boyfriend, because they’ll love it and he is so tired, he needs the break. It’s written on his face. And I walk away, praying, sending them good thoughts (if that’s your particular bent) that good things will come and they will smile again and not have to cry and not have to fear. I just met God in the purse department, surrounded by pink and yellow Juicy purses, mind you.

Or I’ll be with hubby sitting in the car at our favorite beach, watching the waves roll in and out like a cadence and I’ll breathe a prayer of gratefulness for my life, for freedom, for the fact that I can decide what is right and what is wrong with the Holy Spirit’s help. That I’m no longer beholden to wacked-out crazymaking religious leaders who just wanted to control me. Or told me to stay small all my life so THEY could keep the spotlight on them (Yes, I had a pastor tell me that I should just not ever write for publication and I always wondered why?) because they were narcissists and couldn’t handle the idea that someone else might have something to say and people might actually listen to someone other than them.

I meet God in the produce department when I’m picking out zucchini for our favorite zucchini chocolate chip muffin recipe. I love the way the glossy green skins shine under the produce lights. I love chopping them up in my blender, then spooning out a cupful for the muffin mix. I love that the muffin batter is sticky until I add the zucchini. That’s where I meet God. He created these marvelous things for us. For ME.

I meet God in the darkness, when I’m haunted by things in the past, things I must remember and must deal with in order to heal. I meet Him in my memories, as this incredible Love that peers into those dark corners, that banishes those memories from becoming overwhelming, that helps me heal.

I meet God when I am nothing, I feel as if my world is falling apart because of a rejection from a publisher, or a rejection from an online portal, or a writing friend wrinkles up his nose, “Huh?” when I have him read one of my pieces. The confusion of life, the hardness of life, is bearable because of meeting God in every place I can find.

Last night I sat in the hallway outside my writing teacher’s door (she lives on the Salish Sea) listening to the waves crash against the shore. I heard the sounds of cars passing along the road, the pounding of my heart as I was so still just to listen. I met God there. Sometimes all He says is, “Hi.” And I’m in a world of wonder because of it.

The song is Wunderkind by Alanis Morisette from the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe soundtrack

Oh perilous place walk backwards toward you
Blink disbelieving eyes chilled to the bone
Most visibly brave no aprehended gloom
First to take this foot to virgin snow

I am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment
I am a wunderkind oh oh oh oooooh
And I lift the envelope pushed far enough to believe this
I am a princess on the way to my throne

Destined to serve, destined to roam

Oh ominous place spellbound and unchild-proofed
My least favorite chill to bare alone
Compatriots in place they’d cringe if I told you
Our best back-pocket secret our bond full-blown

I am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment
I am a wunderkind oh oh oh oooooh
I am a pioneer naive enough to believe this
I am a princess on the way to my throne

Destined to seek, destined to know

Most beautiful place reborn and blown off roof
My view about-face whether great will be done

I am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment
I am a wunderkind oh oh oh oooooh
I am a ground-breaker naive enough to believe this
I am a princess on the way to my throne

I am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment
I am a wunderkind oh oh oh oooooh
I am a Joan of Arc and smart enough to believe this
I am a princess on the way to my throne

Destined to reign, destined to roam
Destined to reign, destined to roam
Destined to reign, destined to roam
Destined to reign, destined to roam

Tagged as: brilliant, Good Things, memoir