Photo by Tina Manthorpe
A very good friend told me something wise the other day: “When someone/something in your life is raging, storming, howling, and they are outside and you are standing there, feeling the pressure and the uncomfortable pelts of rain or sleet coming from them, shut the window.”
I loved that this good friend didn’t say: “Cut them off” or “Ignore them so they’ll go away.” I love the idea that I can just shut the window. They can still see me, interact with me, talk with me, but when the storm begins, I call to an end the effects of it.
How did this work in my life as memoir?
There are still tons of people pushing patriarchy or Quiverfull in a dogmatic style. “Do it our way or else,” “Everything you believe is bad doctrine,” “You are only a Christian if your understanding of our understanding leads you to our same conclusions.” Good grief!
Do you remember how Paul came to Christ? He didn’t understand any Christian understanding that led him to the same conclusion. He and God met face to face and I bet a lot of money his conclusions about God and Jesus Christ are so way different than what has been pounded down my throat for so many years. I believe heaven is full of amazing conversion stories. Everyone understands and comprehends in a different way. Their words may be different; it is their heart that matters. We are human and feeble and we can only tell by their words. That has led to many, many dogmatic conversations that turn into howling winds of fury and I never knew I could just shut the window.
I had patriarchs who demanded I be under my husband’s authority (or back in those days, my father’s) when all along I already was. I just wasn’t under THEIR authority and they couldn’t handle it. To them if I didn’t submit to them, I must not be submitting at all. What a load of crock. I would have loved to just shut the window.
I had women who demanded that I commit (I was single, mind you) to having as many children as I possibly could once I got married. While I was single these same women demanded I serve in ministry to support mothers having as many babies as they possibly could. That howling got to be so intense and overwhelming to me and I never knew I could just shut the window.
And now, I’ll visit a local Bible study group and the women there demand I complete “their” checklist of what “they” believe is a godly woman. As if I cannot meet and talk to God myself (as is shown in the New Testament) and find out exactly what God wants me to be doing. As if I am blind and deaf to the Holy Spirit’s voice and need THEM to guide me. I now know I can shut the window.
All this swirling dogmatism, fundamentalism, “our church knows truth and yours doesn’t,” “My pastor hears God’s voice and guides me; you can’t possibly hear God’s voice,” “Our church’s doctrines are correct and right and you must attend our church to find out the truth” crap is now a howling wind and pelting rain and yet the window is closed. I can even stand in front of that window and God will talk to me and I am safe in His arms and I don’t have to listen to the howling anymore.
It is a huge lesson. One that I will learn every day. One that once learned (by those of us who survived the Protestant fundamentalist, patriarchal, Quiverfull cult) is a GRACE-filled peace that no howling or screaming or pelting or passive-aggressive manipulation can ever defeat. In GRACE, we are held safe in His arms, forever.
And no, I will not open the window.
The song is “In My Arms” by Plumb
your baby blues
so full of wonder
your curley cues
your contagious smile
and as i watch
you start to grow and
all I can do is hold you tight
knowing
clouds will rage and
storms will race in
but you will be safe
in my arms
rains will pour down
waves will crash around
but you will be safe
in my arms
story books are full of fairy tales
of kings and queens and the bluest skies
My heart is torn
just in knowing
you’ll someday see
the truth from lies
when the
clouds will rage and
storms will race in
but you will be safe
in my arms
rains will pour down
waves will crash around
but you will be safe
in my arms
Castles they might crumble
dreams may not come true
but you are never all alone
because I will always
always love you
when the
clouds will rage and
storms will race in
but you will be safe
in my arms
rains will pour down
waves will crash around
but you will be safe
in my arms
in my arms
{ 2 comments }
As I sit penning chapter 4 of my memoir-in-progress, your words continue to be a gift to me, Trish. And yes, once we’ve “survived” a cult, our antennae are up for any oppressive religious maneuvers, or as you say, “swirling dogmatism and fundamentalism.” I’m closing windows, too, and yes, it’s not the same as slamming a door in someone’s face. You can still communicate through a window, but you don’t get blown away by the storm. Good stuff. Keep posting.
Susan, it really is a good rule of thumb. Hands out grace, but allows you to function without it bogging you down. I can bog myself down enough, thank you! Happy writing!
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