This was a surprising part, because I KNEW this in my head, but in 2001, I finally knew this in my heart. How? How did I possibly figure out I wasn’t walking alone? It was a combination of things. 9/11, me waking up after pulling an all-nighter copyediting a book on Armageddon of all subjects, getting on the freeway to drive to Eugene for a meeting, seeing truckers weeping as they drove, their trailers swathed in a gigantic American flag. The shock of what had just happened perhaps was a shock to my system? At any rate, I stood in the lobby of Harvest House Publishers with the receptionist and my friend, Gary L., just in shock, trying to pull it together for a big meeting.
And I didn’t do so well at that big meeting. I knew it as I left and drove my car back home. And only twelve hours before I had begged God to let me have the opportunity, hoping it was my chance. And I knew as soon as it was over that it wasn’t my shot. But somehow another piece of me had been shocked back to life and I knew that no matter what came next in my life, it would be the right thing. And whatever didn’t happen next in my life wasn’t meant to be after all.
It looks even odder when I type it out, so I’ll stop, but that’s the moment I realized I was not walking alone. There was Someone there, Someone Whom I already knew, but had missed. And rather than running from Him, I stopped and turned and threw myself into His arms. It’s like my niece Daphne when she comes to our house to visit: she loves to be right beside her uncle Todd when he’s playing the Wii with her mom or dad. And she’ll back herself up, right into the circle of his arms. He’ll hold his Wii controller out in front of her because she wants to be so close. That’s where I am with God now. It’s a great place to be.
The song is “By Your Side” by Tenth Avenue North from their Over and Underneath album.
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I’ll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don’t fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world’s sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I’ll never let you go
Listen here:
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