Memoir: Digging Deep

Most of my issues with writing my memoir stem from long entrenched emotional beliefs I picked up, including “I can’t handle rejection,” “I’m not good enough,” or the worst one “No one will ever love me.”

The years I spent believing these lies astound me. It’s not just belonging to a cult that gives you these emotional beliefs. You can pick them up anywhere. And refusing to believe them is a task we will probably be working on until the end of our lives.

I believed these lies because of human interference in my relationship with God. I lost a lot of years. It was so subtle as it was happening, but the moment I realized I could just run into my God’s arms and He would love me FOR ME, in spite of all my weaknesses and failures, well, it was like finding a long-lost best friend. As I work through my emotions now (some coming up for the first time in fifteen years), I still find that I must “take every thought captive” not because I want to be perfect, but because I want to be healed.

1. Face the wrong emotional belief head on. You have to face it. You can’t toss it under the rug and keep going. You need to write it down or say it aloud. What kind of feelings result from believing this? Don’t you feel terrible about yourself, your life, your dreams as a result of these wrong beliefs? I do.

2. Take that emotional belief captive. This means turn it around. What would you be right this minute without that belief? Would you feel better about yourself, your life, your dreams? Of course! So remove the thought, take it captive, don’t give it room. How to do that? Read on.

3. Turn it around. Take the emotional belief that says you’re a failure, won’t ever find love, won’t ever succeed and turn it around. Because THIS is what Jesus did for humanity: He gave us the ability to believe truth: I will live a good life, I will find love, I will succeed. But not on our own strength. For agnostics/atheists in the crowd, you’ll have to use karma. As a believer in a higher power, I know it is not on my own strength that I can think the right thoughts.

4. State the new emotional belief. “I can handle rejection,” “I am good enough,” and “Someone loves me.” All because of Christ’s sacrifice for us. Pay attention to how you feel when you state this new belief. Aren’t you sitting up straighter, feeling stronger, not coming to your daily tasks from that shrinking position in the corner, but coming to your daily tasks with power and a renewed set of strength. That’s the love of God, folks. It imbues humanity with power to handle whatever comes their way.

5. Walk strong. And then you go do what you’re supposed to do. You don’t have to do things in reaction to critics, or walk around with all your baggage hanging around your neck, desperately trying to get other people to keep you afloat. You’re going to be just fine.

And that’s what I’ve learned in the past week. It was tough. I’ll learn it again and again, because I just can’t accept that it’s ME that’s screwing myself up. It has to be others. It has to be my critics.

Special thanks to Byron Katie for her book, Loving What Is, for explaining to me what Jesus was preaching while He walked on earth. It’s a Buddhist rendition, but her book made the Scripture click into place for me. (One of the hardest parts of being a cult survivor is that they beat us over the head with the Bible, so all of us tend to find other ways to freshly learn what was so twisted in our minds.)

Tagged as: brilliant, memoir, overcoming resistance