So, yes, I loved American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld. Still buzzing a bit from it actually. It was a huge help to my own writing and I can’t stop thinking about the real-life person it was based on. It’s fascinating to me too (I can see why Sittenfeld felt compelled to write the book) and I applaud the author’s ability to take real-life people and create alter-egos (that may very well be true) to show us just what might be going on behind the scenes. Now I deeply respect Laura Bush, but the rub is that marriage does sometimes create a new person from the two people who were once individuals. And sometimes marriage becomes more about one person than about the other.
In my marriage, I feel that often I can be a larger presence than my husband. My personality is such that I can talk a hind leg off a donkey and I have very strong personal opinions. Sometimes I worry about it and I try to find opportunities to hold myself back so my hubby can express his opinions. I needn’t worry. He can handle everything I’ve got and more. Just as I pull back, he will give me that look and actually encourage me to talk more. It doesn’t faze him in the least. From my husband, I get a respect that I have my own brain, not attached to his, not less important than his, but one that can get all the way ahead without help from anyone (save God’s grace). Do you know how freeing that is?
I kept shaking my head as I read American Wife. I understand how the main character fell so hard for Charlie Blackwell. I fell hard for my own man. And perhaps because he’s not president, my hubby could care less if I go off on a tangent that he completely disagrees with. He often reminds me as he’s expressing an opinion, “You don’t agree with this” or “You are not his biggest fan, I know” as a matter-of-fact opinion that doesn’t scare him in the least. He may not always get the last word, but in my heart, his word really matters. In his quiet way, I get from him what Alice Lindgren Blackwell does not get from her husband. I get to keep myself, without disappearing, without morphing into this new “married” person.
It’s the quiet ones that are the strongest, and I think that’s what Sittenfeld’s book showed me. Just because my perception of Laura Bush is as a quiet, strong supporting figure to the Bush doctrine (whatever definition we choose; I think there are like four or five out there) doesn’t mean it’s the truth. It doesn’t scare me to think that Laura herself may have completely opposite opinions of our country’s chase for WMDs or that she is 100% against the bedrock of the GOP’s social mantra. What this book did for me was to take an unlikable sissy and rather unsure of herself character and create a powerhouse. I am fascinated by people who hold opinions for their entire lives, never shaken, never faltering. I believe Curtis Sittenfeld did Laura Bush a true service, even if she got one or two events wrong. I think Laura is stronger than I have even thought she was and I respect her even more. It takes guts to stand beside someone who makes mistakes in their life, and even more guts when those mistakes are howled at by the world and by at least 50% of our country (quite possible a lot more; check out his approval ratings). A wild goose chase after WMDs is one thing; a war in two countries that chased its own tail for a few years and sacrificed too many lives is quite another. The question that came to my mind: what would I do?
Before I throw any stones at glass houses, I keep that in mind. And pray Michelle Obama and Cindy McCain much grace.
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